"We had to wait 2 years to get married because she kept getting pregnant."
"One of these days you're going to make a really good adult."
"I'm tired of wiping poop off his balls."- About potty training his son.
"Penicillin don't cure everything."- About why he wouldn't cheat on his wife or be promiscuous.
"The people in those Valtrex commercials look happy but they're not. Trust me."